Saturday, December 22, 2012

The Third Trimester

It's so surreal to think that I've made it to my third trimester now. That means I only have about 10 more weeks to go until we bring this baby into the world. It also means that my high risk testing has started. While I'm so grateful to be getting it, I'm not sure yet if it's going to put my mind at ease or cause me to constantly worry. Lots and lots on my mind these days.

This past week I went for another growth scan, which I'm doing every 4 weeks, and began doing the twice weekly non stress tests. My sister, Sarah and best friend, Kelly were in tow for this ultrasound. I thought they might enjoy seeing little Elise. Plus, in the back of my mind, I want those closest to me to get to see her now just in case something awful happens again. I know, I shouldn't think that. But it's impossible not to. Apparently this baby takes after me and likes to bury her face into something when she sleeps. For her, that thing would be my uterus. She showed us her face for a split second, just enough time to get a quick picture and then she turned and fell asleep all nestled up in there. We also saw her sticking her fingers in and out of her mouth. So cute! She's measuring 4 days ahead of schedule, weighs 2 lbs 12 oz, and is in the 57th percentile. I couldn't ask for anything better. The ultrasound tech could see that she already has a lot of fuzzy hair. I think that's so awesome, especially since babies at her age are just now starting to grow hair. Everyone seems to agree that she so far seems to look like me. I can't wait to find out! The non stress tests also went really well. The nurses said that she was responding great for her gestational age. It's nice to spend that time just laying there and concentrating on her movements and heartbeat. There is honestly no test or anything in this world right now that's more reassuring than feeling her move inside of me. So, so far everything seems spot on. As long as everything stays that way, it definitely makes us feel better.

We met with my regular OB this week too (the one that delivered Caroline). I just absolutely love that woman. She's been out on maternity leave, so I haven't seen her since August. We weren't originally scheduled to meet with her that day, so when she walked in I almost cried! She totally gets me and what I'm going through and what I have been through. It's not that I receive bad care when she's not there, I just feel as though she is invested in our situation and "gets it". She's not only concerned about my prenatal health, but my mental too. She asks how I'm sleeping. The answer was not good. I told her that I just can't turn my mind off when the lights go out. I worry about everything. I think about all the things that need to still be done and how this labor and delivery might go. I want to have blissfully naive dreams and thoughts about it; but inevitably, my mind wanders to some part of that day that I gave birth to Caroline. Every. Single. Night. Then of course once I calm myself back down I have to get up to pee and at that point I have become so hungry that I can't fall asleep until I eat something. Then the cycle repeats itself.

The good news is that the earliest week that the hospital will let me be induced (apparently they've become more conservative in the last year) is also the same week that she will be on call. I am absolutely thrilled that she will more than likely be the one to deliver this baby. That takes a tremendous load of worry off of my shoulders. Did I mention I love that woman? She is such a blessing in my life. So It's looking like baby Elise will make her grand entrance the weekend of March 3rd. It seems so real now.

In other news, and more worry for the day, I found a lump in my breast a few weeks ago. I found it almost by accident on one of those long nights. I was sent to have an ultrasound on it and was told that it was more than likely a fibroadenoma tumor caused by all of my hormones changing. This news has really had me in a funk. My Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer last year. Luckily, it was detected early and after a lumpectomy and radiation treatment she is now doing fine. But given my family history, hearing the word "tumor in your breast" while pregnant is almost enough to send anyone, me especially, over the edge. As if there isn't enough to worry about on a daily basis. So, on Wednesday I went to have a biopsy done on it to make sure it wasn't cancer. The thought of potentially having breast cancer right now, given my luck, is just so unbelievable that I feel it's almost laughable. What else is there to do? I pray about it, I honestly do. They told me I wouldn't know my results until the day after Christmas. "Merry Christmas, you have cancer" is what I imagined they would be saying to me at that appointment. But, thank God they called on Friday to say that my results came back sooner than expected and it was benign. Everything looked normal and they didn't want me to worry about it over Christmas. What a relief. My prayers were answered.

Christmas is just a few days away at this point and after everything that's happened in the last few weeks, I feel like my worries, while immense, are being lifted or at least shouldered by those who know me best: my Creator, my awesome OB and team of nurses, family and friends, and of course my wonderful Husband. I'd say that overall my third trimester is off to a good start. While I'm scared of all that could go wrong in the next 10 weeks, I'm trying to stay positive and look forward to all the good that is coming our way. I'm glad it's Christmastime and I'm able to find and experience the peace that comes with this time of year. The meaning of this season is truly what gives me the strength to go on each day; and maybe, just maybe have a few "silent nights".

Here is our Elise Arabella this week, at 28 weeks. I'm in love!:

Merry Christmas everyone!

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